Confusion...epitaph

I always liked King Crimson, although I did (and still do) find their lyrics a little pretentious - except for confusion being one's epitaph. That, I can relate to. Oh yes indeed.

Musically, I preferred (and still do) 21st Century Schizoid Man. Ah, those days of wildly misspent youth.

Anyway, today's puzzle is this: everything that can go wrong either has done or is in the process of doing so. So why am I not concerned? I can't decide if it's some new spiritual maturity or if I've simply slipped a very vital cog. Hope the former, fear the latter.

As the Pennsylvania Dutch (who weren't, of course, Dutch at all, but German - they were called "Dutch" as a perversion of the German word for "German": Deutsch) back home would say:

Yah well.

First Frost

Yes, folks. The grass is all silvery. I think I'll go outside and take some pictures of my world. If I can figure out how, I'll post them.

Bootstraps

bootstrap |ˈboōtˌstrap| noun 1 a loop at the back of a boot, used to pull it on. • [usu. as adj. ] the technique of starting with existing resources to create something more complex and effective : her willingness to work night and day in a tiny basement office was evidence of her trademark bootstrap.

"The origin of this descriptive phrase isn't known. It refers of course to boots and their straps (laces) and to the imagined feat of a lifting oneself off the ground by pulling on one's bootstraps. This impossible task is supposed to exemplify the achievement in getting out of a difficult situation by one's own efforts.

It was known by the early 20th century. James Joyce alluded to it in Ulysses, 1922:

'There were others who had forced their way to the top from the lowest rung by the aid of their bootstraps.'"

We'll ignore, for now, the meaning of inputting simple code into a computer in order to get it to self-load more complex code. I doubt if anyone does that anymore anyway.

So, starting with existing resources, eh? What if all your effing resources are already used up?? Huh?? What THEN?

Simmer down, there.

So many things are unravelling simultaneously, we are deep into the land of Not Funny. As I reviewed them in my mind, they all at first seemed (1) financial in nature (rugby dues, bankruptcy guy payment, phone turned off, insurances seriously screwed up [homeowners' cancelled, auto cancelled despite being paid through next December and all in the hands of someone named Alvarez...], other forms of Stuff due immediately if not sooner) but upon reflection, there are so many, many more.

There's the (2) house, which is in worse shape than the one that Dr Phil spent an hour tsk-tsking over.

There's (3) my body, gaining fat cells and losing brain cells like nobody's business.

Speaking of (4) business, I don't have much these days. That's typical for this time of year, certainly - everyone is sick of his garden and not about to put more money into upkeep. It'll pick up again in a couple weeks, and I do have a major job pending. Still, at the moment, thins are a little dicey.

(5) Family members, too...my mother, my husband, my daughter, all have their health challenges.

I have to stop hiding from this. One can only take so many baths (especially when one has (6) impressive amounts of poison ivy plaguing one's person), and even I can't sleep continuously - although I'd like to try. "Just keep sleeping...sleeping...sleeping."

And always lurking around the corner, the old demon (7) Black Dog. Winston Churchill used to build things out of bricks when things got bad for him. Maybe I ought to try that...maybe stone,though.

And let's not forget (8) the bees that live behind the chimney. How could I forget, with that constant infernal buzzing sound?!? Slowly I turn...

So I guess what I need here is a plan. A plan to use existing resources to make something more effective (please, not more complex.)

That's what I'll be working on in the next few days, up here on the Hill.

Alas, no.

It apparently is not done. At least not correctly, as when I try to log in, it says I don't exist - ven though I get greeted by name.

Ah well. Perhaps it's a sign from the gods.

Maybe I ought to find another way to spend my time, up here on the hill.

It is done.

I am now a myspace-ette, URL of myspace.com/mumisananarchist, assuming sign-up worked properly.

Now if I only had friends. I don't have any actual friends, (no, that's not fair - I do have two in the flesh and one in cyberland ) so I guess I shouldn't be all shocked that I can't get the whole myspace friends deal. I'm just feelin' sorry for myself. I'll shut up and go to bed now.

Decisions, decisions!

How annoying. I do like my blogspot, here, but for some reason have decided that I must also have a myspace. I know, moms with a myspace are creepy. But I want one anyway! I just can't decide on a URL. I'm leaning towards myspace.com/mumisananarchist but feel, for good or ill, that I must run it by my daughter first.

"Creepy", huh? I'll show ya creepy! (Wait, maybe that proves it...)

Try.

I've been thinking about trying. Not trying anything in particular, just trying, as a concept. And I think it's not all it's cracked up to be.

"There is no try. Only do or not do."

I was so sure it was Lao Tzu, or maybe the Buddha. But no. My favorite Sweet Potato Queen informed me that it was, in fact, Yoda. So much for that college minor in philosophy.

But the little dude was right. "Try" doesn't exist - the only thing that's real is the result, is whether or not one performs whatever task. No one bases their activities on your "try" - they need to know if you do or don't do the thing. And generally speaking, they'd be happier if you were up front with them.

You'll "try" to be there by noon - no, that's not okay. That means you'll show up if it's convenient for you, doesn't put you out too much, and you don't run into traffic. Can you be there by noon? Good. Then make it happen. Not sure, or don't think you can? Fine. How about 12:15, then, or 12:30? The point is to decide, commit, and make it happen.

"Try" gives us an automatic out, an opportunity to cop out on whatever we were doing or offering to do. "Try" means that we have real doubt as to whether or not we'll be willing or able to pull off whatever it is, from losing weight to showing up on time to meeting financial goals. It gives us built in weasel room, and I think that makes us sloppy about commitment. We need to define what it is that we're willing to do, then commit to doing that, and follow through with integrity. Not willing to do the task at all? No problem - be honest with yourself and with others and say that.

"Try" can also take away from us the satisfaction of having completed something - if you don't define what it is you're going to do, how do you know if you've done it? "I'll try to get as much done as I can". What does that mean? Bupkis. Everything's in there, from doing absolutely nothing (say it again) to completing the work. How much better it would be to say you'd work for an hour or a page or a room or whatever, then simply do that much. Then, when you've finished the amount to which you committed , you know that you've met your goal honestly and honorably. If you want to do another hour or room or page, then you can reset the intention and new goal.

Maybe it comes down to a combination of "know thyself" and basic integrity. In each situation, we need to figure out how much, if any, we want to commit to, which means that we know we have the time, willingness and ability to perform the task. Then, state what we want to commit to, which includes "nothing" if time, ability or willingness are lacking, and follow through (that's the integrity part.)

"I'm gonna lose thirty pounds this month!" Come on, you know that's not going to happen. And "lose as much as possible" is a cop out. Decide. Ten? Good. You know you can do it. Commit to it. Then follow through. Lose the ten. You're good to your word. "I'm gonna exercise every day!" Oh sure. Just like the last ten times you said that. How about three times a week? If that feels okay, commit to it, then do it. "I won't go to bed til it's done!" then you sneak off and sack out. No honesty or integrity there. Figure out how much you can and will do, name it, do it.

You can be wrong, if it's an honest mistake - an emergency or a genuine misassessment of a situation or of your own abilities. It happens, and that's one of the ways we learn about ourselves. One caveat: don't intentionally lowball yourself, committing to an absurdly small amount in order to succeed easily. Your integrity knows when it's being undermined.

So here's the challenge: eliminate the word "try" from your speech for a week or even just a day. (Did you just say "Okay, I'll try"? I did, when I first thought about this.) I've been working at this on and off for a week now, and it's made a genuine difference. I now think before I speak (what a concept, huh?), then assess the situation, make a determination, commit to it, and follow through, whether I feel like it or not. It's been a real lesson, in many ways, but absolutely worth the time and effort.

If you want, let me know how it works for you. Maybe we can start something.